Nobodies?
by Libido
Summary: Fresh into the World That Never Was, Demyx is...Quite confused. “You have better respect me, before I, uh...Throw bubbles at you! Hii-yah!." Demyx POV
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't get the idea out of my head. ;;

Anyways, this is written in Demyx's POV, so don't get confused, ho'kai:3 It's also my first KH fanfiction, and I've only played the second game. xDD;; I'm a newbiez. .--.  
S'yah. Enjoy! And please, read and review

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. :3  
-x-

"Wa-oh, man.." A blonde figure in only a white undershirt and boxers said as he stood. I happened to be that blonde figure. Heya, I'm Demyx!(I think..It's the only real name that comes to mind) And why I'm talking to myself, I don't know. But, I enjoy it, for some really weird, strange reason, and I'm not going to prance around talking about myself in the third person. Well, maybe up there I did, but that was just to get you interested. Happy? Hooked? Anyway, let me continue.

So I woke up in this really, really weird place, like...It was all dark, with lots of neon lights. So I'm sitting there. (Well, actually, standing there. I just got up, remember?) So, I'm standing there, looking around, my total of, like, three bangs annoying the heck out of me, until I finally blow them up and out of my face. For a total of five seconds before the come right back. So I 'humph', cross my arms, and deal with it.

So then I begin to think. And think. About just where the hell I could be, before I snap, looking confident, grinning, "I know!" I exclaimed, nodding excitedly, "I'm in Vegas! Suh-weet!" so I do a little happy fist pump, jumping in the air a little just for the hell of it. Why not?

..Oh yeah, I'm only wearing boxers.

So I quickly fall, covering my little "friends down south" as I call 'em, and make a weird face. So, why the hell would I be in Vegas? And y'know, for Vegas, it isn't really that bright. I mean, yea, sure, there's neon, but it isn't like. "Oh my god, I'm going to blind you for eternity, HA HA HA."

No. It's just like, "Yeah, we're dark and ominous. And yeah, we have bright pink neon above our dear. You best be respecting." Or something along those lines.

But then I pause, "Oh god," I say out loud, then quickly pull up my shirt and begin looking for scars or stitches or something. What if they took a kidney?! I'm too beautiful for kidney..stealers..Or something. Too beautiful, I tell you! Heh..I'm just, y'know...joking.

Man, I should write a book or something, just so everyone would recognize my skills.. Anyways, so I'm looking around, when all of a sudden, this dude with an eyepatch pops up in front of me! What the hell! So, I do what every normal person who doesn't really remember anything, who has just appeared in a weird world like Vegas with weird- ...Dude, are those anorexic super models? What the hell are they wearing?! Some white suit..Thing...They move really weird...

But anyway! I don't remember anything! I don't know where I am, I don't know who that guy is, I don't know how he got here, I don't know how **I** got here, I don't know what kind of world this is where super models prance around like they don't have any bones, and I don't know where the hell my clothes are! So I scream and turn away, as if he'll go. I can hope, can't I?

Next thing I hear is this weird crashing noise and I turn. This blue..clear..wall..thing..Had moved. To like, protect me or something. And I see Mr. Eyepatch on the ground. So, I take this time to poke the wall. I figure I'll have more chances to see Mr. Eyepatch. Y'know..Later. So, anyway, I poke said wall and immediately pull my hand back. It's freakin' water! Who's ever heard of water just _randomly_ springing up and defeating your enemies?! I know I haven't! I think it's like, against their DNA or something. Molecules? Anyway. It doesn't happen! But it did!

Meanwhile, Mr. Eyepatch, I guess, has gotten up and is looking at me through my little protection of water. H2O. Oh, heck yes! Ninth grade science class, how I salute you! I narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms again, inspecting him a bit.

He's not too shabby looking, if I do say so myself. Not that, y'know, I'm gay, or like boys or anything. I just don't think he's ugly or anything. I mean, it's okay for guys to say that, right? Like, they don't have to think every guy is BEAUTIFUL or GORGEOUS or something weird like that, but he doesn't have to prance around saying everyone but him's ugly. Not that he should prance. Most guys don't prance. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen a girl prance, either.

I guess they _could_..

But that isn't what I'm talking about! I'm talking about Mr. Eyepatch! Jeez! Stop distracting me! I blame you!

So, continuing on before I was so very rudely interrupted. Mr. Eyepatch wasn't too bad off, I don't think. He was kinda old, I'll give him that, but I guess not too much. He just looked more like it since he had a scar going up to his left cheek, while his right eye was covered with that eyepatch I was telling you guys about. (Heh, 'you guys' as if I'm actually talking to someone..) So, he wore this black, trenchcoat-y...thing, which like, tinkled whenever he walked- which is what he was doing right now. He was circling around my little cocoon of liquid- Heh, maybe I'll turn into a water butterfly.-, just looking me over, one black, gloved hand to his chin.

He had this weird smile on his face, and I got a little shivery. But hey- if I could control water, I could be like, a superhero! And this guy could be the main villain! Sweet! But, wait..

What if he WANTED me to think I could use water? What if HE could use water, and I was still a super hero, but I didn't have anything cool, or remember anything, and he used the water to make me think I was a super hero so I would scamper out all proud, then get destroyed? That FIEND! I decided to tell him as much, "You FIEND, Mr. Eyepatch!"

He looked at me weird again, then began laughing. Pfft. Laugh at me, eh? That's when I noticed he had gold eyes. You don't see those every day. But, back to my description of him. He was sorta old, I mentioned, but he wasn't, like, saggy-old. He was just..old. And he didn't have his trenchcoat completely around him, he just had it zipped up to like, his chest or something, so I couldn't really tell if he was wearing a shirt underneath his coat thing. Anyway, he also wore these black pants tucked into some boots that went up to his knees, it looked like.

He had long- and by long, I mean long, like, waist length- hair. It was tied into a really tight ponytail at the back of his head, and it looked like it hurt. Almost subconsciously I rubbed my head. I have a really tender head, and it would probably explode if you made it go back that tight. Not like I had the hair to do that. I just had a mullet. What? I love my mullet... Professional in the front, party in the back, I always say.

And then someone would say, 'And douche bag all around.'

But I'm thinking this, so that doesn't apply here- Yay!

So lets hop back on board the topic train, shall we?

Here we go! Anyway, he had long hair. And it was sorta brown-blackish with lots of gray in it, which made him seem older again. Then, Mr. Eyepatch-Mc-Fiendy-Pants spoke, "Mr. Eyepatch, huh?" he asked casually, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow, still smiling widely. Pfft, I am nothing to toy with, I'll tell ya what! But he had this really laid back voice. Like, I don't remember any other evil super villain ever having that laid back of a voice. It's weird. HE'S weird. This entire PLACE is weird.

Oh, man, I'm going insane. Thanks, Mr. Eyepatch! I'll sue you from hell!

"Y'know," he continued, not that I gave him any sort of 'go on' sign. He just kept going on. How rude. "I've never had someone call me Mr. Eyepatch before. Jackass, Bastard, random guy, Houdini, even. But never Mr. Eyepatch. What, you can't curse or something?" he asked, but he had this weird teasing tone to it, as if he didn't mean to actually insult. He just meant to..uh, break the ice? He looked at me expectantly. He wanted me to talk?

"Er." I said slowly after a moment, standing straighter and glaring at him, "What do you want with me?" I demanded, "And where the hell am I, for that matter? Where did you come from, and why can't you just say 'Hi' like a NORMAL human being, eh? And on that topic, who the hell are you?" I asked. There. That oughtta give him something to talk about. And then I'll get answers.

He smirked. Once again. Why can't this guy just stop smirking! It isn't cool! Not cool at all, man! "So, would you like me to answer your questions in order, or do you not care?" he asked, and then, without waiting for my answer, he started up again. Rude, rude, RUDE. You fail at life! "I, personally, don't want anything from you. You're in the World That Never Was. I came from some person, just like you. I think just saying "Hi" is way too overrated, plus, I'm not human at all, and neither are you, and I'm Xigbar. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, dude." he gave a mocking little bow, grinning.

Oh, you're cute. Bowing. Har, har. You still fail at life, and I still hope you trip and die over your dress. Neh.. Take that up the butt why don't you? Pfft. I cross my arms, then pause. Wait. "Wait!" I say, new questions whirring to life in my skull, "What do you mean 'I'm not human at all, and neither are you'?! I am too human! Lookit me! I could BLEED humanity if I wanted!" I gestured to myself, not caring I was only in boxers and an undershirt.

"Oh, right. You don't know." he said slowly after a blank moment. "Here, drop your little water shield before I have to manipulate it so you're out here." I blinked stupidly, and the next thing I know, I'm on the other side of my shield. I know I'm on the other side, because my shield is just standing there, almost as stupidly as I had, I guess. "You're a Nobody." he said calmly. I blinked. A nobody? Isnt that just what people call people who aren't important?

"Hey!" I protest angrily. "Who're you to tell me I'm a nobody? You don't even know the first thing about me!" I said, clenching my hands into fists and glaring daggers at him. I feel something inside me, though I'm not sure what it is. I dunno, but it's this weird sense of power. He rolled his eyes and I growl. Usually, I'm a really, really, happy guy. I mean, I usually can't be deterred for a second! But this entire situation, and now this guy..Urgh! I just wanted to punch him. And I brought my hand up to do so before I felt something appearing in it. Quickly I jerked my head up to see, and find a sitar! I remember the sitar! I used to play the sitar! I mean, I still do! But, the entire randomly appearing thing? It scared me. So I dropped it. And it vanished before it hit the ground.

"Nobody's are...different, from humans, catch my drift, dude?" Xigbar asked me, coming towards me as I stood there, probably looking like an idiot. I was too scared to care, though. "In my case, I get these things as weapons." he jerked his hands a little and two guns popped forward. I took a step back- I knew this guy was shifty! He laughed, though, "Don't worry, little dude. I won't hurt ya or anything. But these are my weapons. Yours is, apparently, a sitar. And you can control water, as you might have already noticed." he gestured with now-empty hands (I didn't see them vanish, mind you. They just..weren't there. This is so weird!) toward my shield of water which had quickly gone to my rescue that first time. It was slowly deteriorating by the second, I could tell. "I, on the other hand, can control space. Which is why I popped up here so fast, and I was able to get you out of your little shield so we could have this nice little chat, got it?"

I blinked, but nodded, then paused, and then shook my head. What was I saying? I didn't get this at all!

"Well, that's to be expected, dude." Xigbar said with a shake of his head, still grinning, "You just got here. Here, lemme take you to the Castle."

"We have a CASTLE?" I asked. Wait, We? There was no we! I wasn't whatever he said I was. How the hell could I be a Nobody that controlled water with a SITAR? I mean, who's ever heard of that! "..Do I get any clothes?" I ask him after a moment, feeling none too comfortable prancing about half naked.

He paused and unzipped his jacket, revealing that he did, in fact, wear a black, long sleeved shirt underneath the coat. "I musta forgotten yours back at the Castle. Don't worry, you can wear mine." and with that, he threw it at me, "For now, though. Don't get to comfortable." with an evil wink he continued walking. "Oh, and don't get this glamourous idea that we're good guys, either, us Nobodies." he said in a relaxed tone, just like everything else.

So, I decided not to allow him an answer for that, even though I was crushed that I wouldn't get to be a super hero. I mean, isn't that every kids' dream? So, I caught the robe and quickly pulled it on, grumbling discontentedly, "Who does he think he is?" he grumbled under my breath, quickly pulling the trenchcoat on and zipping it up. At least it covered me sorta. I had no shoes, though, which would make walking hell, but whatever. I could deal. As we got out of the darker place, I gaped as I looked up.

Oh yeah, we had a castle. And above it a giant heart, not yet filled in.

What kinda evil villains _were_ we?

...Hehe...Evil Care-Bears, I bet..


	2. Chapter 2

Fuck you, Care bears.

Fuck.

You.

I made a decision today. I bet you can guess what it was. That I hate care bears. Wanna know _why_ I hate carebears? Because these carebears that I thought we may've been- We're not!

I still think I'm a superhero.

Because I'm awesome.

But this guy…This guy…This…This…_Monsieur Eyepatch-o_…He sucks! He couldn't be a care bear if he wanted to! And if he is, then he's the worst one I've ever seen- Even if they _are _supposed to be evil.

No.

But…You're probably confused, so I'll tell you about what happened that made me think so much of this stupid Mr. Mc'Oldy-Pants.

Yeah, I said it. What now?

Anyway..

First off, we had to _walk_ to that limey castle I was telling you folk inside my head about. At first, I was like, 'Hey, cool! I love castles! Castles are where awesome people are, and I am _definitely_ awesome, therefore, I deserve my own castle!' But no. It was the worst castle I've ever- Oh my god, those stupid sonuva… Those models?

Yeah. They _pick on me_. Urgh!

Curse them and their stupid boneless…white…Stupid faces! Hah!

_I win_.

Anyway.

It was the worst castle ever. I don't know why, but there would be all these doors everywhere, the floors were huge, and the staircases were bigger! You would think they would have an elevator, or a floating mechanism…thingy or…Or…At least make it so that we could _fly_!

C'mon! I mean…

_C'mon_!

Anyway. So there was no flying allowed, unless you were, of course, Mr. Eyepatch. Who decided to float along beside me. Why? Because _he_ could. "I hate you." I informed him simply as I trudged along and he…floated...along.

Bastard.

Anyway. When we finally got to the main room, I nearly keeled over. So many stairs! So many pointless steps! What, were they trying to insinuate I was fat or something? 'Cause I'll tell you guys something, I am _not_ fat! I mean, obviously you know that. You're inside my head.

Oh, man. _Totally_ suing Mr. Eyepatch from hell.

Bastard.

I'm cursing a lot, I noticed. Maybe I wouldn't so much, if he would just give me freaking answers already! But he didn't, and that made things frustrating! Agh! Anyway.

So I marched up, and then I was kindly poked by the bastard himself. "'Ey, little dude. We ain't there yet. Don't go conkin' out on me now. I don't wanna be the one that drags your sorry butt in, and you don't wanna be the one who passed out goin' _up the stairs_." He remarked lightly, touching down. Ah, so he could walk after all. Loser.

"Not…Not there?! How could we_ not_ be there?! I just went up, like…Like…A lot of stairs! That was a lot of stairs! A lot!"

"Oh, I know."

"_What_? No you do not! You_ floated_! How can that mean you know!?" I was mad. Mad was I.

Deal with it, Loser-pants.

Topic train, meet us. We're hopping back on you.

Anywhoozle!

We bickered for a bit, before the stupid guy grabbed me, and dragged me towards this freaking ledge, that was like…A _ledge_!

Like, you fall off, you die! And I don't know if I die the same way, what with bein' a Nobody, or whatever, but…Seriously! No! Falling safely was never something I was good at, and you would think I would be, since I tend to do it a lot.

That, however, is not the point. Leave my clumsiness alone.

Anyway, so we were at this cliff, and oldie just keeps goin'! "Hey, man, just 'cause you can float and be all not…walking-y, that doesn't mean that _I_ ca-"

What. The hell.

A thing had appeared under my feet. I don't really know what it was, but it was like…Not…falling. Which was good! I liked not falling!

Now, why they couldn't just put more stairs is totally beyond me. I mean, why the hell would you scare yourself every time you gotta walk on these? Each time, you don't really know where you're going, you just sorta gotta follow your instincts, and the curve of it, and…stuff. But I think that was why Mr. Eyepatch decided to walk with me. I probably woulda fallen off, and that…

I hate falling.

Shut up.

Anyway. Falling wasn't fun. I know this.

Stop distracting me!

So we're walking, and I'm trying not to trip on the guy's dress he let me borrow, which is a bit too big, since he's kinda taller then me, but not by a lot, and my feet begin to complain. Because they hurt! They really do! And it makes me sad, because I hate it when things hurt. Almost as much as I hate-

STOP _DOING _THAT, PEOPLE IN MY HEAD!

So. We're walking, and finally we get to the other side…And he begins floating! "Okay, little dude. Right up those stairs, and you'll be in the main lobby. I'm gonna pop ahead, so I can get your jacket and we'll trade. I'll also check t'make sure no crazy dudes're there that'll scare ya or anything." He winked, and then vanished. Sonuva bitch Houdini- Wait.

What.

No, really. People in my head, I chose you.

What did he just say?

Crazy dudes? What? No. Noooo, no. I hate crazy people! Man, I hate a lot of things, don't I? I just realized this. Ah, well. Too bad. Urgh!

I mean, what'm I s'posed to do _now_? The crystal not-falling thingies are gone from behind me, so I don't wanna take the chance. I'm in a castle I don't really know, and there're gonna be _crazy people_ when I get up there? Crazies?!

Balgh! I hate this place! Sure, supermodels are all fine and dandy, and sure, I guess I don't mind the neon, and the…everything. But...But…! Weirdo castles? Weirdo _people_? Vanishing…stuff? And, and…Gaaah. What was I supposed to do? I mean, I couldn't turn back, obviously, like I said. I didn't want to jump off, 'cause falling sucks...Gah... I turned myself towards the stairs and started up them. _Whatever_.

But I swear, if a crazy person starts after me, trying to stab my eyes…

Fuck you, hobos, I can make a wall of water!

--

I updated! Sorry for the wait, folks! I'm just getting back in the swing of fanfiction, trying to get back in sync with this chapter. Hope I didn't disappoint you!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi, I'm back! How are all of you? I'm getting back into the writing circuit for realsizes this time, so that means I'll update this more than once a year! Go me, right?! Anyways, so. I'm still kinda rusty, but enjoy the story nonetheless. Hope it's still funny! It isn't as arbitrary and maybe has more action.  
No, just kidding. It still has absolutely none. Mostly just Demyx talking to himself. (: So he thinks, right? Oh, ho, ho. Onto the story, right?

**Disclaimer:** Don't own NOTHING. Huzzah! Don't sue, if you'd be so kind!

-----

So, Mr. Eyepatch is gone. No, no, that's fine. I'm not nervous at all, not me. I mean, dark, deep space behind me ensuring my long and fall-y death if I make an attempt, and (possibly) crazy hobo things in front. No, I love this situation. In fact, I lived for them. Used to. Was I alive, now that I was a Nobody? I still_ feel _alive. Besides, I'm obviously the main character of this little matinee showing. Everyone knows that the main character is always the coolest, and is never killed off and beats the bad guy, and gets cookies.

...No? No cookies? Fine, whatever. I didn't want cookies anyway. I bet they taste gross.

Alright, so, for those who are new, my name is Demyx. I appeared in Las Vegas earlier... uh, today? Tonight? Is it night? It was dark outside, but in Vegas, who knows! Anyway, I was then scared by some guy with a weirdo eyepatch and freaky scar, trying to be all badass. And then I kicked his ass with my super-cool water powers, and he begged for mercy. Right now? Oh, he's taking me to his leader, so I can trade him for the memories he had a little witch girl (Who happens to be connected with my friend somehow.) Seal inside my mind so none of my friends would remember me. This evil villian also plans to take over all the worlds in the world with evil black blobs. They're scary, trust me. Also, as the main character, I'm awesome.

Why isn't Mr. Eyepatch here?

He, uh. He went to fetch me water. For my throat. Because he is my slave and- Oh.

Wait, yeah, that's right. I can summon water. Well, I made him get it for me! Because I am super, and awesome, so you have better respect me, before I... Throw bubbles at you! Hii-_yah_!

Okay, fine, I'm a liar! Truth is, I'm scared and alone and I don't know where I am, or what I am, and I don't know if I'm an evil care bear and this is our really badly architect...ed lair or whatever, but I'm nervous and the super models picked on me, and he _ditched _me because I don't know why and _this isn't my jacket _and I want my own clothes but I don't know where or how or when or what they look like and oh my god, I don't even _like_ Vegas, why am I here, why can I summon water and who the _hell_ let the dogs out?! I think I'm going crazy, I don't know if I can live like this- Oh my god, am I even living, is this life? Oh my god, what the hell is going to happen to me? Will I go to hell? If I control water and I go to hell, what happens?!

I did not ask for this.

I do not want to make this decision I don't want to face Death by Falling or Death by Crazy Hobo. Neither of them sound pleasant. Would it be possible for me to drown myself? ...Huh. Maybe. Okay, let me try and summon water..

Shifting, I close my eyes and... Nothing. Well, that bloody sucks! I concentrated No water! Well, maybe sweat... No, not even that! Okay, well. Maybe I could just go in. Maybe no one's crazy, maybe I'm, you know. Making this worse than I really need to be. Exaggerating. Flipping out for no reason. It's a new place, I have a right to flip out a little, don't I? Yeah, yeah... Of course I do, of course! Okay, I can go into this mysterious room and face whatever crazies come my way. And, uh. Maybe the water will just show up to protect me. Because it loves me. Yeah, that's right! Hah, okay! I can do this!

Right, just one step into the magical land of, uh. Maybe-crazies. And whiteness, and falling for no reason, and lots of stairs with no purpose, and no elevators and-...Dammit, I'm getting off-subject. Okay, okay. People in my head, are you ready? Are you strapped down? ...Do you fall out of my head if I tilt it sideways? I mean, not now, since you obviously could see it coming but if you didn't know, would you? Huh. I'll try that sometime. Better watch out, oho. But, back on track. Let's do this, shall we? Before I get cold feet and decide to just hang out and wait for Mr. Eyepatch to get back. For some reason, I don't think he's the type to ever let anyone live down anything. Which, really, is a bummer, since I have no doubt whatsoever that I'm probably going to end up doing something really, really dumb. And then he'll never let me live it down. And then I'll probably cry. No, wait. No, I won't. Because I'm big, and strong, and cool. Yeah, that's it.

It was with that thought that I entered the abyss, which apparently was something like a living room. Oh, that's smart. Put the living room after ten thousand stairs. Actually, that is kinda smart, because by the time you're done climbing all those stairs- Much like I did, much to my eternal, uh. Dis...Disarray, that's it. Dismay? Huh. Well, whatever. Anyway, what was I saying? Right. Going into the deep, scary living room. Anyway.

The room surprisingly looked pretty comfortable. Not so much white as I thought there would be. In fact, there was a brown coffee table, a fire place, some rugs...paintings, and hey, a window! ...Showing a bare, black, night sky. Okay, maybe that was just a little depressing, but I was always a fan of stars and planets and nature and stuff, so maybe that's just my preferance. I don't know, maybe I won't like this place as much as I hope I do. It was then that I noticed someone was staring at me. They were in a dark armchair in the corner, a lamp hung over them, a bookshelf off to the side. He was.. A kid. Hey, a kid! Not a creep with an eyepatch, bad hair, and scarred skin! A kid, an actual kid! Thank god, I wouldn't be the only one. I mean, I'd usually be the first to tell you that I'm no child, but compared to Mr. Eyepatch? Slap a bib on me and call me pookie!

Well, maybe don't, but you get the point, don't you?

Admittably, this kid didn't have the greatest hair, and he looked like the kind of kid that would probably scare me, if I were back in high-school, but... this is... uh, afterlife? New life? No life? What do they call Nobody lives? Whatever, don't care. Point is, kid! My age, maybe even younger! Oh, how great would that be if we were friends? Oh, I could use some. Mr. Eyepatch can suck it, I don't want him to be my friend, he's creepy! And likes seeing me naked or something! Anyway, coming back to, I notice... well, crap, he staring at me. Well, I mean, I realized that before, but now I really noticed. You know, how you do a double take kinda thing? That happened to me just now. I don't think he appreciated it.

"Who are you supposed to be?" he asked, eye - I couldn't see the other one, to his benefit. Like I said about the bad hair, it was covering one of his eyes. Oh my god, what if this was a horrible cult kinda thing and they made you do stuff to your eyes before your joined, and people just found creative ways to hide their hideous, pulsating scars, so that they aren't considered total aliens, but they actually are, and... I like my eyes! They're so pretty! I don't want anyone else to have my eyes! Don't touch me, I'll make your skin wrinkly, I mean it! Yarg!- narrowing just a little bit at me. I got a little off-topic there, didn't I? Well, you know what's coming next... cannonball into the topic pool! Whee! ...Man, that was really appropriate wasn't it? Since technically I could now make a pool, right? How cool would that be? I'm totally doing that to my room. Giant pool, that's what it is! Fill it with water! Yay, water! I've always liked water. ...Stop distracting me and let me continue! If I keep just sitting here and thinking, it's like my clothes'll never come, and then I'll be mostly naked for forever! I bet you girls would like that, wouldn't you? Me, partially naked. Or mostly naked. Fun for you girls either way, right? Oh, ho, ho. Mind Dwellers, you little _pervs_!

So, from those five..uh, wait, no, six words. Right, six words, I figured out that this kid... was not so into me as I seemed to be into him. Not like that, of course! I just mean, you know... he was sorta...abrasive? Is that the word? Hopefully. Before I died, I had a vocabulary-word-a-day calendar, you know! It was a lot of fun. Anyways, so he wasn't too pleasant, didn't seem like. But he wanted to know who I was supposed to be. Uh... Quickly, I glance down at myself. Oversized jacket, pale skin, kickin' mullet... Huh. Who could I suppose to be? "Bon Jovi?" I counter. Okay, maybe not the spitting image of him, but come on, if I could be so lucky to pull off Bon Jovi, then all my dreams would be anwsered and I would be a very happy evil care bear, living in a castle reject from 'Barbie Magical Adventure'. Whatever, right? I would look like Bon Freakin' Jovi!

Sweet!

Apparently Mr. Grouch-Pants did not agree. "A comedian." was all he said, and he looked like I'd rubbed doggie stuff under his nose. Come on, not even a little bit? And what was so funny about that? Are my dreams _humorous_ to this guy? What a jerk! I have dreams! Who's_ he_ to act like my dreams don't matter? Ever had a brain freeze, buddy? Yeah, now imagine yourself covered in water! Yeah! No one likes being damp, tell you what!

...What was that? The brain freeze line actually had nothing to do with the actual threat? Yeah, well, it would be _cold _water! Like... the cold stuff that freezes your brain. Exactly. Fearsome, isn't it? This puny little... _puny-face_ would die in the face of such a cold like that. Die, I tell you! Does cold have a face? Whatever. "Hey," I actually began protesting, hands on my hips, "Bon Jovi is a pretty cool guy, and if I could pass for him, I think that'd be pretty darn cool, so if you don't like it, you can just... can just..." I timed out. Because there, sitting in front of me, was Bon Jovi. Weirdo kid was gone, and in his place, Bon Freakin' Jovi! Oh my god, B-Bon J-Jov...Jovi... Oh my god, aaiiiie! I love him, I love him, he's such an inspiration, I don't even know how old he is but he will eternally be this age, and oh my god Bon Jovi!

"Can just what?" Bon Jovi (Aaaiiiee!) Said in that deep, manly voice of his. So musical. So melodic, so... so... aiiie! Bon Jovi!

Okay, I guess I didn't act so smart right here. But it was my hero! Bon Jovi! You don't just blow off (....not like that! Boo!) Bon Jovi with a cool wave and dismissive nod! And okay, maybe I danced a little bit and gaped and looked for something for him to sign, and sign with, but still! Really, you would have done it for your lifetime hero too, I know you would have, don't pretend you wouldn't've! You so would've! Maybe not with Bon Jovi, but imagine your favorite person in the world (You don't have to say your dad or mom, I know just as much as you, Mind Dwellers, that they are not your favorite person in the world. There is no room for Political Correctness in my head! None! ...Well, okay, maybe a little. Just enough to be polite.) "How did you- But you were-..." I turned to silence again, since this was just, wow, too much.

At this point, Bon Jovi stood up, and walked over, standing over me and raising an eyebrow. I gaped, jaw dropping. "I'm Bon Jovi, I do magical things." he stated. Wait, was that humor in his voice? No, it couldn't be. His face only spoke of truth and justice and all things good in the world! He would not be finding humor in this situation! Unless he did, in which case, I should find humor, too! Where was it, dammit, Mind Dwellers, help me for once! No? Well, what help you are, losers!

"Yes, you do, Bon Jovi." I was completely hypnotized. Bon Jovi! Right there!

"I think I'm getting a little cold, actually. Do you, perhaps, have a jacket I could borrow?" The Almighty Jovi asked.

Well, being the nice, caring person I was, of course I gave him my jacket. Granted, it wasn't really mine, and granted, maybe Mr. Eyepatch would be mad that I gave his jacket to someone, but it was _Bon Jovi_! They should treat stars with respect in this house. I'm actually kinda curious where the heck that other kid went. But maybe his special powers are vanishing or going invisible or something, and Bon Jovi is a Nobody too, and his special power, is, well, appearing and being a star, of course! Maybe we'll become friends, and he'll get me into cool places, and we'll be the coolest thing ever, and I could play sitar or guitar or some instrument for him, and we could make an album, and then we'd be _best friends _and oh, man.

That would be the best.

"Thanks," he said simply. Then... turned and went back to the chair and sat down, beginning to read again. Well, that's cool, isn't it? Except, um. There was a fire right next to him, and I was kinda cold, and he actually wasn't even using the jacket, just holding it, and... I was only in my boxers and undershirt again. Well... I mean, it was for Bon Jovi, right? He'd remember this, wouldn't he? And then we'd be friends? I needed more friends.

"Man, kid. I totally spaced on where your room was. Heh, heh. Spaced. Kinda funny, considerin'..." Oh, hey. Mr. Eyepatch was back. I waved meekly from my spot by the door, since I didn't want to get too close to Bon Jovi, in case he didn't like germs or something. But the fire would've been really nice. It was freezing in this place! "...Dude. Where's my jacket?" Speaking of that, apparently Mr. Eyepatch deemed it necessary to make a pit stop and get dressed in his own stuff again.

What an asshole.

"I gave it to Bon Jovi! He was cold!" I had to defend myself, he looked kinda frustrated, and Mr. Eyepatch could do things, I bet. He was the evil villain in this whole charade, after all. What a jerk. Trying to be my kryptonite. Well, I won't let it happen! No I will not! My krpytonite will never exist. He will not, uh. Kryptonite me! Yeah, I just turned that into a verb, wanna fight about it?

I hope not. I suck at fighting.

Bon Jovi let out a snort that was very un-star-like of him, and resumed reading, acting like he wasn't laughing. Lucky Bon Jovi. He must've been warm and enjoying a good Calvin and Hobbes or something. Or Peanuts. Comics are good stuff. Maybe we could talk about them later! Sweet! "Bon Jovi?" I glanced up at Oldie Pants and looked surprised. He was actually looking baffled at my answer. What, did he not know who Bon Jovi was?

That's blasphemy! Blasphemy in the name of the Church of Jovi! "Well, _duh_! He's _right there_." Honestly, what's with Eyepatch Man? Can't he see? Well, I mean, it must've been hard, having only one eye, but, you know. Still! In case he still didn't get it, I pointed at the wonderful God of a once-human in the corner, reading his book. I couldn't see what it was, but it was big and had a logo on it that sorta looked like my sitar. Huh... weird. Anyway. I pointed. Right.

For a long time, Patches the Pirate was silent. "...Zexion. Man, are you fuckin' with the newbie?"

Well, what an idiot! Old, scarred, eye patched, and clearly losing his mind! "How dare you insult Bon Jovi!" I gasped, of course. He should never be insulted in such a way. Never!

"...Kid, that's not Bon Jovi."

"What."

"Zexion, take off the damn illusion and gimmie back my jacket." it was then that Mr. Eyepatch threw what I can only think is my own jacket back at me. I stared while Mr. Eyepatch marched over and promptly snatched the jacket from him and snorted. And then I could only stare more as Bon Jovi melted before my eyes.

"Buh! B-But, yo-you were...!" I felt so... so... betrayed! What a mean kid!

I gaped and stood there, looking stupidly at the little boy where Bon Jovi had once been. Traitor! I felt Mr. Eyepatch's hand on my shoulder, and had time to notice the devilish smirk on the kid's lips, snickering and having a gay ol' time at his stupid... illusion thing! But then, Oldie Pants turned me away and promptly began pushing me forward.

"He was Bon Jovi! I swear, something happened, we have to tell someone, or do something, or.. Or... I need to give him a piece of my mind." I fumed. Okay, so that sounded like a little old lady, but still! Still!

"And then he'll be sure to stop stompin' all over your yard. Chill out, kid. He'd beat you up, anyway."

By now, we were walking down a large hall. Doors were everywhere, but he seemed to be looking for one in particular, whatever that was. Bleh. "That kid?" I couldn't help but be insulted. He was like. Five feet tall! I would tear him apart. Or at least scratch him. Or... make him damp! Bwhahaha!

"He's just a bit surly. Likes pickin' on the new kids 'cause those're the only ones he can pick on. Don't worry 'bout it. Well, man, this is my stop. Well, your stop. I gotta go report in. This here's your room, I'll see you at dinner!" He seemed to be trying to make a break for it! Oh, hell no! I stood at my 'room' door for a while, taking in the roman numeral (Uh... What was it? IX. What number is that? Dammit! I know that I means one, but what does X mean? Twenty? Twenty-one? What!)

Wait.

What if he was ditching me to go back and report to his evil master that he kidnaped me and now they can perform horrible things to me and experiment on me and probe me and rip out my pretty eyes and hurt me and do stuff that doesn't really sound pleasant, and what if they do other things like... like... tickle me?! I hate being tickled! That would be awful, really awful...

"You can't leave-" Well, that's great, he left me alone in this big, white hallway in front of this big door with twenty-one on it...

"Whatever, Mr. Eyepatch!" I shouted into the hallway. He couldn't've just vanished, right? Hopefully not... "I'll make you pay for this, you... you... you fiend!" Aha! I sure showed him, didn't I? The jerk, he totally deserved it for sucking at everything!

Stupid Mr. Eyepatch. Stupid 'Zexion'. Stupid... Stupid... Fake Bon Jovi!

"You better not come back, neither, or I'll... I'll make it really humid around you, and then your hair will suck just like your, uh. Your mother!"

Yeah.

Take that, stupid castle.

Take that, mean kid.

Take that, stupid... mean...

Mind Dwellers, I blame you!


End file.
